Clean Jokes

One day, while Bob was driving his taxi, he was surprised to see Einstein jump into his cab and announce that he is to speak at an important science conference located downtown. On the way there, Einstein remarks “Say, I notice that you look a lot like me.” Bob looks at himself in his rear view mirror,...

Bob spied a big green parrot in a pet shop window under a big sign that said “A Great Talker!” Bob walked in the shop and asked the merchant “How much for the talking bird? “Well,” replied the merchant, “Since he’s such a good talker, I can’t let him go for less than $100.” “Hmm,” bob replies,...

Pirate Day Joke: Bob decides to quit his job and join a pirate’s crew aboard the Black Star. Ships captain, Capt’n Black Peg, was a fearsome-looking pirate who sported a peg leg, one hooked hand and raggedy black eye patch. After a few days on the ship, Bob approached Capt’n Black Peg, “Captain,” he asks, “I apologize...

A biker gang was riding along the highway when they saw a beautiful young woman about to jump off a high bridge overlooking a rushing river far below. Bob,a big gruff-looking greasy guy, the leader of the gang, got off his chopper and sauntered up to the girl. “Hey doll,” says Bob, “what are you doing standing...

Bob and Betty, two life long friends, now in their 80’s, met once a week to play cards and discuss life and everything.  One day during a game of gin rummy, Betty says, “I’m sorry, I know we’ve been friends for many years, but my memory fades.  For the life of me, I can’t remember your name.”...

Betty and Bob, an elderly couple walked out of a restaurant where they had enjoyed a healthy breakfast. Right outside the restaurant door, they spied a Parking control officer in the midst of writing out a parking ticket. The couple approached the officer. Bob said with indignance, “Hey can’t you give a senior citizen a break?” The...

A Bob crossed a road one day and spied a frog sitting at the edge of a pond near the opposite side of the road. The frog said, “Hello, my name is Betty. If you kiss me, I will magically change into a beautiful princess and be forever grateful.” Bob leaned over and gently scooped Betty the...

Betty picked up a copy of the Exorcist at the book store. After reading the book she declared “Bob, This is the most evil book I have ever read.” Betty was so upset in fact, she instructed Bob to build a barbecue pit in which to incinerate the evil, hideous thing. Betty instructed Bob to place the...

Betty says to Bob: “I bet can make the boss give me the day off.” Bob: “You know the boss won’t let you off, it’s rush time.” Betty: “I have a fool proof plan, you just wait and see.” Betty then leaped up to a cross beam and hung upside-down from the ceiling. Boss comes in sees...

Bill, a traveling stranger walked along a busy street in downtown Sacramento in search of the Macaroni Factory. He spied Betty, a local resident who was out for a walk. Bill approached Betty and asked, “Excuse me ma’am, I’m lost. Can you direct me to the Macaroni Factory? Betty made a puzzled look and replied, “The Macaroni...