Theory of Pat

There’s Nothing to Talk About – Really?

0 0
Read Time:31 Minute, 50 Second

So many topics, So little time

The question was asked:

“Why is it difficult to find four guys who have similar interests and can play golf regularly together?”

Our brain exploded.  What do you mean there’s no shared interests?

The answer is obvious, Golf.  Stay focussed.

The very act of gathering to play golf itself is in itsself a shared interests.

We do not indulge in the art of golf, however we can play a mean mini course as long as there are bumper cars available to drive afterward and a pizza in the wings, so even we may imagine a plethora of topics to discuss between 4 people who love golf enough to actually play.

Let’s Examine the Joys of Golf

  • Fresh air
  • Practice a skill, art form
  • Communing with highly quaffed nature
  • Competition
  • Golf talk
  • Friendship bonding
  • Get away from the grind
  • Business networking
  • more?_________________

The question itself reveals fear.  Fear of the Other.  Fear of social ostrization.  Fear of rejection, abandonment from the herd.

What Can Be Done To Avoid Fear?

Why are people afraid to have a conversation?Media chooses topics to not discuss but to take sides

It wouldn’t be influence from media, would it?    On any given day or news cycle (and we hesitate to call it news) media chooses what hot topic we should know about and take sides upon, but never actually discuss pros, cons or even whether the topic is worth discussion.

We fear the Other will challenge our knowledge on the top 10 hits which are never fully identified or explained, just presented as do or die choices upon which hills should we die for the good of the herd.

We fear our lack of knowledge of these ever changing targets are inadequate to support so we acquiess to expert to solve them on our behalf.  The problem is however that experts have no intention of solving any issue as issues pay very well and solutions don’t pay at all.

So people don’t speak for fear of looking foolish.

How Foolish is That?

What about shared interests with every day bull S the media conveniently neglects to mention?

The general every-day get-to-gethers, social events, office functions, bank waiting line, bus/train stop, sitting next to fat people on a plane…sort of conversations.

Topics surround us but we remain mute waiting for a word from the other while we withhold our own words as we are ourselves the Other.

What is the problem?  Lack of:

  • Imagination?
  • Education?
  • Lack of Socialization?

What are we afraid of?  Fear of being found out for the frauds we all are?

How is it we ever manage to get along?

It occurs to us that a form of communication to encourage productive small talk might be in order.  Small talk gets us through our day and at times can evolve into big talk where we learn something about each other we didn’t know before.

In this instance, the question asked how to find friends who play gold and have similar interests.

 

We did the math.

Golf plus Interests = PI squared amount of topics.

The only problem now is to narrow the field.

This involves self examination, introspection.  Gasp.

What do we want in a friend?

The first step in deciding what topics to talk about is to define what you want in a friend.  Just leaving the subject open to anything invites resistence to the invitation.

Remember, no one likes to play golf with a philosopher.

What is in order is to have a “Me Fest.”

Clear the Mind of BS

Think about what you want that makes you happy, satisfied, content.  Define your expectations.  What is it that you want with a friend? What is your purpose for a friend? What need do you need addressed?

Envision a Perfect Friend

 

 

Some time ago we discovered the Alderfer pyramid of basic human needs serves perfectly as a guide.

People share needs, wants and desires at a primitive level.

 

The desire of a friend falls into 3 distinct categories of human need.

These needs are shared among all human beings and probably spills over into the animal kingdom as well – since humans are animals, after all.

Break down your friend request into categories to clarify:

  • Safety & Security = Control
  • Self Improvement = Growth
  • Social & Relatedness = Chaos

 

 

A “Safe” friend is trustworthy, honest, forgiving, etc.  You wouldn’t want a daredevil skydiver if you’re old and in a wheelchair…

 

A Growth friend will encourage you to improve, learn new things, be a better person.

A friend in Chaos might make you laugh, try new things and encourage you to take chances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Once you visualize your potential new friend…

You aren’t finished yet.

Now you must contemplate what you have to offer.

Just what do you bring into the mix?

Are you friend material because whatever friend you find will have the same criteria as applied to you.

 

Now comes the processing part.

Where you may begin to determine your interests, objectives, needs and values as it applies to the topic at hand, which in this instance is “Golf.”

Golf itself contains common interests:

  • Sport
  • Skill
  • Outdoor activity in highly quaffed nature
  • Exercise
  • Betting

Other than that, you must put your thinking cap on to determine what other interests you have that may coincide with another person who happens to play golf.

Not an Impossible Quest

As Toastmaster, we enjoy seeking interesting topics of which to discuss and decide whether the topic might be of interest to fellow Toastmasters.

This is fairly easy with Toastmasters as each other member is tasked with the same or similar interest.

We are in the habit of writing notes during meetings of topis that arise while others are speaking.  We refer to these notes as Speech Buds because when we look at the notations days, months, years later stories immediately arise.

These notes are our interests, which are vast, we may add.  We rarely find ourself at a loss for words…but this is us, not you.

We searched the Internet for topics of interest and found, of all things in Wilipedia, a List of Lists of Lists, which we refer to as LOLOL because it is too funny for words.

This page goes on for miles and does not dissapoint.  Another good resource to eliciting conversation is Table Topic questions which are virtually everwhere on the Internet.

One you gather enough information to narrow your field of interests, you may decide your

  • Expectations,
  • Purpose
  • Needs

You eliminate

  • Doubt,
  • Fear
  • Mistrust

and are now free and prepared to rejoin society to flower and play golf.

This is the mind-map for a speech on this topic.  Enjoy.

Resources

List of lists of lists.

If LOLOL doesn’t give your mind a pause, you should check your pulse because you might be dead.

This List of List of Lists, which we ripped direct from Wikipedia to prove a point, contains boundless topics of discussion.

Free yourself from polarization paralysis.

Don’t focus energy on prevailing mass media messaging and play into the hands of mind predators intent upon shaping our worlds into their own image.

Feel free to peruse, take notes and make a game plan to conversation sparkers.

And if none of this works there’s always Table Topics Conversation Starter to spark conversations anywhere.

General reference

Culture and the arts

Literature

Mythology

Philosophy

Art and the arts

Characters

Fictional elements

Performing arts

Visual arts

Entertainment and recreation

Festivals

Games

Sports

Food and drink

Mass media

Geography and places

Manmade geographical features

Countries and regions

Places

Settlements

Natural geographical features

Bodies of water

Landforms

History and events

Mathematics and logic

Natural and physical sciences

Biology

Physical sciences

Chemistry

Meteorology

Physics

People

Occupations

Religion and belief systems

See also: List of religions and spiritual traditions and Category:Religion-related lists

Society and social sciences

Archaeology

Honors and awards

Linguistics

Social institutions

Infrastructure

Economy and business

Education

Government and politics

Law

War

Technology and applied science

Aerospace

Buildings

Energy

Medicine

Maritime

Military

Technology

Miscellaneous

See also

About Post Author

pkelley

The Theory of Pat is a gradual process which will expand as we work out the mysteries of our past, present and future. We chose to share as we learn and practice how to navigate our own impulsive and irrational thoughts so we may help others better defend against those who work to exploit weakness.
[email protected]
https://theoryofpat.com
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
Share
February 13, 2024 by Brain Control

You may also like...

Why The Theory of Pat
The Struggle Between Me, Myself and I continues
Skip to content