Tobacco Intemperance

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Smoking BettyA large pharmacy chain recently smelling themselves in media news. Endless commercials puffing with self-flagellation over how they stopped the sale of tobacco products and now support health and wellness.

Chaos by nature seems giddy with anticipation, but overall cares not where addicts get their smokes. Chaos wonders how many pharmacy shelves are currently stocked with known headline-worthy health hazards.

Chaos ruminates a recent newspaper ad which reveals a thriving stock of items of dubious character which offer little to negative nutrition or pollute the environment.

We wonder when these items will be on target for expulsion for our own good…and why stop with tobacco?

Candy, sugary drinks, chips, booze, ice cream, foods with artificial ingredients, hot dogs, processed meats, cheese, frozen TV dinners full of salt and fat, cookies, donuts, margarine, toxic cleaning chemicals within reach of small children, cosmetics tested by lab animals or child labor tee shirts from Madagascar sweat shops… the list could be endless…and when will these also be dropped for health and wellness for our own goodness sake.

  • Twix bars
  • Reese’s Nutrageous
  • Kit Kat
  • Snickers
  • Mini chocolate Hershey’s candy bars
  • Fireball Cinnamon Whisky
  • Jameson Irish Whisky
  • Crown Royal
  • Captain Morgan Rum
  • Tostitos chips
  • Cheetos
  • Capri Sun drink
  • Bugles chips
  • Honey braided pretzel twists
  • Dorito chips
  • Gold Emblem Peppermint puffs
  • Dove Promises chocolate candy
  • Ben & Jerry’s ice cream
  • Haagen Dazs ice cream
  • Jack Links beef jerkey
  • Toll House Klondike Bars
  • Snicker’s Ice Cream Singles
  • Sweet Salty Chex Mix
  • plastic garbage bags
  • plastic trash can bags
  • Bounce dryer sheets
  • Disposable shaving razors
  • DayQuill/NyQuill
  • Planter’s Salted Peanuts
  • Gold Emblem flavored Almonds
  • Gold Emblem pretzel nuggets
  • Red Bull energy drink
  • Gatorade
  • Pepsi
  • Gold Emblem Ginger Ale
  • Gold Emblemseltzer water
  • Dryer’s Ice Cream
  • Nestle Drumsticks
  • Fruit bars
  • Skinny Cow ice cream
  • Rolo Minis chocolates
  • Brookstone Acai chocolate
  • Swedish Fish candies
  • Candy Corn
  • Skittles
  • Lancaster cream candies
  • Caramel Apple Pops
  • Jolly Ranchers
  • Twizzlers
  • Ghirardelli Lindt chocolates
  • Lays chips
  • Frosted Flakes cereal
  • Gold Emblemchocolate covered raisins, prunes, mango bites
  • Halloween oreo cookies
  • Lorna Doone Cookies
  • Wonka candies
  • Hershey’s Jumbo mix
  • Tootsie Rolls
  • Junior Mints
  • Dum Dums
  • Child’s Play
  • Starburst
  • Crunch bars
  • Gold EmblemCandy Pumpkins
  • Gold Emblemgummy bears
  • M&M’s, Skittles
  • Mars Bars
  • Wrigley’s gum
  • Twizzler bites
  • Disposable Diapers
  • Paper Towels
  • toilet paper
  • Feminime pads and tampons
  • Hair Dyes
  • Coke
  • Familia
  • Camarena
  • Tequila
  • Jack Daniels
  • Svedka Vodka
  • Cazadores
  • Reposado
  • Belvedere
  • Sailor Jerry Spiced Rum
  • Jagermeister
  • Gordon’s Gin
  • Early Times Whisky
  • Milagro Tequila
  • Smirnoff Vodka
  • Bacardi Rum
  • La Crema
  • Chardonnay
  • Kendall-Jackson VR
  • Beringer Wine
  • Sutter Wine
  • Hennessy VS
  • Cognac
  • Ciroc Vodka
  • Grey Goose Vodka
  • Ketel One Vodka
  • Jose Cuervo Tequila
  • Gran Legacy Vodka
  • Gran Legacy Gin
  • Bella Sera Pinot Grigio
  • Blackstone wine
  • Gallo wine
  • Riunite Lambrusco wine
  • Carlo Rossi wine
  • Kendall Jackson Chardonnay
  • Josh Cellars Cabernet Sauvignon
  • Rodney Strong wine
  • Baileys Irish Cream
  • Svedka Vodka
  • Evan Williams whisky
  • Beer
  • Stella Artois
  • Sierra Nevada
  • Lagunitas
  • Modelo
  • Heineken
  • Corona
  • Blue Moon
  • Widmer Brothers Hefeweizen
  • Coors
  • Becks
  • Michelob
  • Budweiser
  • Keystone
  • Pabst Blue Ribbon

These items are all sold at most health-conscious stores which contain pharmacies.

Chaos decided not to bother listing medications or cosmetics because … damn

Chaos knows the purge will continue until the final product – Soylant Green will be fed to the masses.

The continuum continues uninterrupted. Those in doubt need only drop by their nearest hospital cafeteria to experience the foods of the future. Eggs the consistency of congealed yellow protein with the taste of fresh (or stale) paper pulp. Bacon and sausage devoid of flavor with the consistency and taste of fresh (or stale) paper pulp. No salt, no sugar, no spices whatsoever, tasteless yet mysteriously nutritive.

We also ponder the significance of cracking down on tobacco on the one hand whilst supplying addicts with drugs and parfinalia.

About Post Author


The Theory of Pat is a gradual process which will expand as we work out the mysteries of our past, present and future. We chose to share as we learn and practice how to navigate our own impulsive and irrational thoughts so we may help others better defend against those who work to exploit weakness.
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